Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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