im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize