Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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