A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize