i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
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it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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