Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
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after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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