Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize