you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I wear drunk well.
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