Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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