6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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