You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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