Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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