Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My feet surprised me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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