nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
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It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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