i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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