i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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