I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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