She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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