so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize