you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
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i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
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You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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