I just pynch a tree in the face
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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