Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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