Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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