69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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