...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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