i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize