your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
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You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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