my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Green mimosas i think yes
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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