Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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