Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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