it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
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You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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