She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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