OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
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I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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