great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize