I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
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I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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