Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize