Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize