If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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