drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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