I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Don't make out with my wife yet
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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