$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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