this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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