why didn't you poke me back
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize