I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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