So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
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Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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