O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize