Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize