she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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