yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
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The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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