Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
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He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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