farters have to be the big spoon...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize