wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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